I remember rearranging my parents lounge room with the girl next door to create a ‘house’ for us and our ‘babies’ when I was about 8 years old.
That was what I wanted to be…a mum.
When Rick and I were engaged, we had the ‘talk’ about when we would start having kids. Rick said 5 years….I said no. I had a hard time working out why we would get married and then ‘waste time’ not raising our family. I can see the advantages of waiting and settling down and discovering more about each other by waiting those years…but I am SO grateful that Adley joined us 10 and a half months after we were married. Rick and I have had days (and occasionally weeks) of ups and downs, but we have grown and developed as parents and husband and wife side by side and are stronger for it. Now nearly 6 years on and 3 babies later, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have this habit though of wanting everything all at once and being good at everything all at once. I wanted the wedding and the family, now I want the parenting, the marriage, the job, the study, the church, the fostering, the advocacy, the friendships, the house all at once and all to be well balanced and excelling in each thing! (Asking too much?)
I LOVE my life right now. I am blessed beyond measure. It isn’t that I am anxious about that list above…just that they are parts of my life that I connect with, am passionate about, ideas that I want to pursue, yet I am keenly aware that I only have so many hours in a day. I only have so much energy, and so many words. Mostly, I am desperate to make sure I keep my kids at the forefront of all that I do, yet I don’t want them to be ‘all’ that I do. That might sound harsh, and if you know me, I hope you know just how much I love my babies. This has nothing to do with not loving them, actually it has everything to do with loving them. I want them to see me passionate about something. I want them to see me sacrificing my time and finances towards something. I want them to see me taking care of creation, our home and others in our world. I don’t know if that is selfish in a way…maybe it is, I have always wanted to leave a legacy, something I will be remembered by. Selfish or not, I want to teach my kids and give my whole self to my kids, but by doing that, I believe that I need to put my self into other things as well.
You know that old saying “If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.”
I feel like that is me. People will often comment on ‘all that I do’. To be honest, it kind of makes me uncomfortable. What should I say?
“Yes, I am great…I work, parent, have a clean house, write a blog and yadda yadda yadda….?” I don’t think that would go down to well…
Sometimes, I feel like saying, “well if you would do something then I wouldn’t have to do so much…” again, I don’t think that would go down to well!
I hope that other mums and women can see that having beautiful babies (and yes, all three of my kids are beautiful!) doesn’t limit you to tying up and apron and counting how many red cars you can find like Lightning McQueen. Yet, being passionate about something doesn’t mean you forget the little people in your life who just want to do a Dora puzzle with you.
I am not making any judgements on anyone here, us mum’s do that to each other far too easily and far too often. I understand why some mums want to work and why some mums want to stay at home. Each has its place and its season in life. This is simply me saying, I am so grateful for what I have and Lord, oh Lord, please let me be the best I can be in life, in mummyhood and in my marriage.